I’ve seen so many men terrified of anything gay themed. I’ve watched men refuse to be friends with people who didn’t act manly enough. I’ve watched grown-ass men bark “f@gg0+,” every time they saw 2 dudes expressing an interest in one another on TV. Pink Pony Club, I Kissed a Girl, and several other songs are a complete turn-off for them.
I have to ask, what scares you guys? What, sitting in the pit of your stomach, do you feel and think when you see gay things?
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I’m not a homophobe, you can do whatever the hell you want with other consulting adults as far as I’m concerned, but the thought of two men boning is still weird af to me. Like repulsive weird. But I’ve heard a similar thing about hetero intercourse and hetero PDA from a lesbian, so… I don’t think it’s abnormal to feel this way?
I’m pulling this out of my ass, no pun intended, but I’ve always imagined it as homephobes distancing themselves from anything gay, especially being gay and liking gay stuff.
Like as in they would never go to a gay bar with their gay friend even though they platonically like the friend, enjoying dancing and so on. If gay stuff is on TV they have to affirm the mantra “I’m not gay so I don’t like stuff” so they use slurs to reaffirm their stance.
There’s also the thing where people view manly and gay as opposite. They identify as manly so they have to not like gay stuff.
Bottom line, I think they’re insecure about their masculinity, afraid of actually becoming gay or both.
Usually just insecure people who hang around with other insecure people who always need to prove their toxic masculinity to each other. Then others get roped in because you get excluded from the group if you don’t get involved. It’s very tribal and stupid and fortunately it’s getting less and less common amongst younger men.
And obviously religion plays a big part because being gay is sinful in many religions.I suspect a lot of it got worse around the time Christian values became the “default” cultural representation for pop culture in the west.
I felt a bit of this as a child, it’s just social pressure and anxiety about being outcast. I’d imagine that often being more outspoken about it is from insecurity because someone might actually be gay (or bi) and either not want to admit it to themselves or at least not want anyone to find out.
In many cases it’s also probably some deep hatred of anything that goes against what they consider “right”, but that too ultimately mostly stems from social pressure about honosexuality being seen as “wrong”
The knowledge that they have thought about sucking dick many times in their life.
Wouldn’t this apply to straight women as well?
No, because it doesn’t scare straight women
I meant: heterosexual men who are scared of gays, because they have thought about sucking dick, must also be scared of straight women (at least of those who actually like sucking dick), by that logic.
I mean, some are.
That they would get dehumanized and treated the way they/other men treat gays and women.
Read “whipping girl” by Julia Serano, she goes into the idea of social stigma driving bigotry
I know this is a semi serious question. But my first thought was “the penis”.
Most people like vaginas. But everybody likes the penis.
Themselves.
Nobody is completely heterosexual. They see homosexuality as a weakness because they’ve been taught that it is. So when they feel it, they lash out.
It’s always personal insecurity. Every time. Weak people attack things that are outside their comfort zone, and twice as hard when they see themselves in those uncomfortable things.
I don’t know tbh I feel pretty heterosexual
And you felt the need to comment because?
I suggest reading your own words again, they’re right here. That was a pretty hostile reply from you tbh. Did I say something wrong ?
Sure.
On a second reading, my comment should be completely irrelevant to you if you’re comfortable with who you are.
What do you need to defend?
What… ok… whatever this is, not going to be a part of it. Byby
Attaboy.
Probably because you’re trying to claim their identity doesn’t exist?
This is the real answer
Mean fear being treated they way they treat women
That they would like it and become gay.
I’ll do my best. I can vaguely remember some of the words that came out of my mouth when I was around 13-18 years old. Most of which were slurs rather than deep thoughts.
The slurs were more to do with what was typical/acceptable talk at the time (late 90s-early 2000s) in combination with teenage boys love nothing more than being assholes to each other (typically to my straight friends) because they think it’s funny.
Some of my “deeper thoughts”, for as well as a teenager can articulate, were to do with not understanding and frankly not actually trying to understand any other perspective. I believe I was simply trying to boost myself by stepping on others. I don’t think there was ever a point in which I hated gay people, but I do remember saying how I thought it was disgusting (gay sexual acts)and I had opinions on gay couples raising children even though I had no evidence to support those opinions.
I don’t think any of it ever scared me, none of what I said was out of fear. I was never worried about liking it, as some other comments suggested. Instead, It was an easy way to safely feel superior to cope with my lengthy list of insecurities.
As my brain began to mature, my thoughts quickly changed.
So… Immaturity, insecurity, ignorance.
Nowadays… regret. Sorry everyone.
You seem to be a similar age to me, so have a similar response to my own.
But to add to your answer; for me in my younger years, it was primarily the fear of being othered by my peers. Being gay was seen as the worst thing a man could be, ergo, being seen as gay by my peers would have been the worst thing. So I’d overcorrect with homophobia.
In our defence (my peers and I, I mean), we were also in the midst of the AIDS crisis, where the news would keep bringing us stories of how many gay men were dying because they were having sex with each other. That’s legitimately scary when you’re young, just beginning to understand what sex is, and that you like the idea of it.
But in the interim I’ve grown up and moved into a mental space where I’m less of a prick.
For the past couple of years I’ve marched in the two pride marches local to me as a fully paid up supported of the LGBTQ+ community, not least because these days I don’t really consider myself to be straight anyway. I’m just a bloke-shaped person who likes to experience sex with other people, regardless of their junk.
I’m glad you grew out of it. Too many boys never do
Like someone already said in here,
I would say that the type of people that are “terrified” are the type that are “hyper-competitive”.
They’re extremely status minded and constantly want to tear people down to pull themselves up.
It’s also why they’re disgusted with non-manliness, which is not the same as gay in my opinion.
You can have a manly man who is gay and a girly man who is heterosexual.
Even making fun of acting tough behavior gets them into disgust.
You can’t have fun with these people.I do have to say, before I was in a relationship,
I would get annoyed if mistaken for gay and thus prefer to avoid any confusion.
I consider the dating market to be skewed in favor of women simply by the numbers
and anything to further pull down those chances was the last thing I needed.I was sequestered indoors my entire life. My parents lived in the middle of nowhere, and wouldn’t help me get away from home – tried to get my license several times. I wasn’t allowed to go to other people’s houses. People weren’t allowed to come over – they could be bad influences. My first snowman was at 28 years old. I tried to go to college and they disconnected the Internet mid-semester, because it was Satanic.
School was a battleground of guys terrified to be anywhere near me.
Every time I try and find male friends, it always ends in me not being manly enough. And it’s rattled me to my core. I literally can’t be around men anymore, despite doing numerous home and auto repairs growing up. Wiring shit together, etc. It always ends the same. I’ve always wanted guy friends. I just can’t try anymore.
Which is the reason for the question. Why are grown-ass men afraid of people not being manly enough?
This seems to be less about manliness and more about, you understand feelings and emotions. They’ve been told to stuff that shit down and don’t express it. Ever. They may be more afraid of feelings and emotion than anything.
I’ve heard the argument before that it’s tied up in misogyny, homophobic men are, consciously or otherwise, thinking basically “I’m afraid gay men will treat me the way I treat women”
Hence all the anti-gay jokes like “backs against the wall lads” (note how the straight men are often imagining themselves as the bottom) - implication being, “I don’t respect consent therefore what if the gay man who’s more of a threat to me physically doesn’t either”
No idea how accurate this is but it certainly rings true for some behaviours
Drop soap in the shower is another one.
I’m scared of appearing to be gay, because i went to school in the 90s. Being gay was the worst thing you could possibly be. If there was any evidence that could potentially point towards you being gay (wearing anything remotely pink. Accidentally listening to a girl band. Getting an ear pierced was trendy but one of the ears meant you’re gay. The pitfalls are endless.)
I want to clarify that I enjoy seeing gay people. It feels like a little victory for mankind. This is a very learned fear. If you’ve never had your ass kicked my multiple people, all of whom could beat you 1v1 anyway, its hard to explain, it gets deeply instilled in you. I know I shouldn’t touch fire. I know I shouldn’t fall from a height. I know I shouldn’t be seen to be possibly gay.
“Haha look at his purple shirt! GAYYY!!!”
Common quote from a guy I used to know
