Full text of diary entry:

"I was raised in the nurturing embrace of the Party, studying without concern for anything in the world. There is more unknown love than love that is known and accepted. I didn’t know how to react to the happiness I was surrounded by.

Defending the homeland is the sacred duty of every citizen, and the greatest duty is to protect the nation, which is where my happiness lies. I wear the military uniform of revolution to protect the Supreme Commander-in-Chief. I was honoured with the opportunity to be promoted to sergeant major in my company. However, I betrayed my beloved Party, which had placed its trust in me, and committed acts of ingratitude against the Supreme Commander-in-Chief.

The sins I’ve committed are unforgivable, but my homeland has given me a chance for redemption, a fresh start in life.

Now, I have no choice but to regain the trust I once had. I will go to the front lines in this operation and obey the orders of Supreme Commander Kim Jong Un without question, even if it costs me my life. I will show the world the invincible courage and sacrifice of the Red Special Forces (Red Commanders) of Kim Jong Un.

When we win the war and return to our homeland, I will submit a petition to the Party."

puts on little round glasses, does a bump of cocaine, and pulls out therapy notes. Says, in an Austrian accent:

Vell you see. OP vas not ze one touched by der Santa Clauz, no. In die zong, eine voman zings zeductively - offering herzelf to Herr Santa. OP’s irrational anger upon merely hearing Santa Baby surely relates to zer own zexual unfufilment. OP is angry because he vas not touched by Herr Santa… or by anyvon.