If life isnt enjoyable, would disappearing really make a difference?
I think I wouldn’t mind being dead, as I couldn’t feel anything anyways. But existing and then suddenly not even knowing I don’t exist sounds very scary. When I forget what I was thinking about a few seconds ago, at least I know that I did forget about something. I think the fear stems from the fact that no one can even imagine how death feels like. Sleeping or being in a coma isn’t even close as it feels like a time skip.
I try to see the world and everything in it for what it really is. I don’t believe in fate, god, karma, souls, etc. The way I see it, I’m depressed and don’t enjoy life because I’m just a collection of electrical signals/chemical processes inside of my brian. And my brain is fucked. I can’t relate to people who genuinely enjoy life. I get sparks of happyness but spend most of the time being miserable.
Another personal reasons for why I don’t enjoy life is change. I know that no change = no progress = boredom, but I still despise it. And look at that, literally everything in life changes all the fucking time. Loved ones die, pets die, the tech I love slowly dies out.
And then there is the looming threat of dying at any moment because I’m a fragile organism that can die even while sleeping. That terrifies me to no end. Just suddenly not existing. And yes I have watched motivational videos advocating for why we shouldn’t fear death. I’m not buying it.
But then you wake up right away. You weren’t conscious for hours bu for you it felt instant. We really can’t image it.