You make some big mistakes that will upset people that you care about.
Their issue
You are mistaken if you understand symptoms as cause. You see them complain about e.g. women but that doesn’t mean women are actually the problem or the cause. So if you look at them complaining about women, you might think why are they so focused on women and make themselves sad. But reality might be, they are sad and the attention of a woman gives them a lot of e.g. dopamine and makes them happy or proud of themselves. If the woman is now the source of comfort, any rejection or conflict is more than what it is, the women “steal” their comfort from them. That is just an example that I have seen played out around me in my teenager years. I am not saying that it is your friends issue.
Source of issue
You seem to think the source of the issue can be located in their decision to focus on the issue. That might be an issue at times but not always and if it is not, it is very insulting, rude, and maybe even harmful to assume so. In my example of what a common issue was in my teenage years, they didn’t focus on the issue (self-esteem issue and societal expectations) but on feeling good and those who “played” judge on whether or not they were allowed to feel good. Obviously a very deranged perspective on reality, but an understandable one. When we burn ourselves while cooking, we usually don’t question the decision that we want a warm meal. They feel pushed down a cliff when a girl whose they thought gave them positive attention, rejects them. They might not question if they should be seeking validation from others when they don’t approve themselves. They are the issue and not the woman but they are suffering and not seeing it clearly.
Again I don’t know if that is an issue, I am just giving an example to highlight your flawed thinking.
Consequences
The consequences of assigning a wrong issue and a wrong cause might not seem as big but you described some already. Alienation, both you from them and them from you. If you have an overly certain and/or overly simplified version of their issue, you will feel annoyed by them because they won’t go for the obvious solution And they will be annoyed by your attitude. Imagine your parents would die and a friend would say “they would have died eventually anyway”, would you take that positively? Because obviously, the issue isn’t that they are dead as much as they are dead now.
But with the alienation comes isolation, for e.g. actually medically diagnosed depressed people, isolation can be deadly. But it can also feed into alienation by reducing opportunities to bond and understand others. But once again, isolation is affecting both, you and your friend. If your friend starts to dislike you, they have one less person that can support them in their struggles. And if you lose enough friends like that, you can talk to yourself or post publicly to people about how you are happy and don’t understand your friends, because you don’t have friends to talk about it. I am not trying to be rude but I hope you see my point, instead of talking to your friends about their unhappiness and trying to get an understanding of them, you talk about your friends with random people online who don’t know you or your friends. That is like asking the random guy on the train if your mom has bday today.
Solution
Step back, accept that you are not them and that you can’t feel what they feel and that you don’t know them like they know themselves.
Don’t act like you know better, if you obviously don’t know.
Don’t talk about your happiness as if it was relevant. I am happy but I didn’t mention before because no one cares, it isn’t about me. It makes it seem like you are bragging about it, to those who aren’t.
Look into actual depression, just so you can humble yourself a little bit by realizing that they can’t easily control their brains chemicals and judging them for that might be a dick move.
In short, become someone who respects the struggles of others especially if you don’t know the struggle.
Lastly, your ability to do stuff with your body might be peace to you but others are struggling with just that. I know people who are smart and generally able but they just can’t make themselves do stuff. They sit there for hours, trying to focus on a task but their brain drifts away. Their knowledge of their possibilities if it weren’t for their inability to focus, pains them greatly and makes it very difficult to not blame themselves for it, even though they are medically diagnosed that their brain is just not working like a “normal” healthy brain. Your source of peace might be the source of great pain for others.
My advice for you is to humble yourself.
You make some big mistakes that will upset people that you care about.
You are mistaken if you understand symptoms as cause. You see them complain about e.g. women but that doesn’t mean women are actually the problem or the cause. So if you look at them complaining about women, you might think why are they so focused on women and make themselves sad. But reality might be, they are sad and the attention of a woman gives them a lot of e.g. dopamine and makes them happy or proud of themselves. If the woman is now the source of comfort, any rejection or conflict is more than what it is, the women “steal” their comfort from them. That is just an example that I have seen played out around me in my teenager years. I am not saying that it is your friends issue.
You seem to think the source of the issue can be located in their decision to focus on the issue. That might be an issue at times but not always and if it is not, it is very insulting, rude, and maybe even harmful to assume so. In my example of what a common issue was in my teenage years, they didn’t focus on the issue (self-esteem issue and societal expectations) but on feeling good and those who “played” judge on whether or not they were allowed to feel good. Obviously a very deranged perspective on reality, but an understandable one. When we burn ourselves while cooking, we usually don’t question the decision that we want a warm meal. They feel pushed down a cliff when a girl whose they thought gave them positive attention, rejects them. They might not question if they should be seeking validation from others when they don’t approve themselves. They are the issue and not the woman but they are suffering and not seeing it clearly.
Again I don’t know if that is an issue, I am just giving an example to highlight your flawed thinking.
The consequences of assigning a wrong issue and a wrong cause might not seem as big but you described some already. Alienation, both you from them and them from you. If you have an overly certain and/or overly simplified version of their issue, you will feel annoyed by them because they won’t go for the obvious solution And they will be annoyed by your attitude. Imagine your parents would die and a friend would say “they would have died eventually anyway”, would you take that positively? Because obviously, the issue isn’t that they are dead as much as they are dead now.
But with the alienation comes isolation, for e.g. actually medically diagnosed depressed people, isolation can be deadly. But it can also feed into alienation by reducing opportunities to bond and understand others. But once again, isolation is affecting both, you and your friend. If your friend starts to dislike you, they have one less person that can support them in their struggles. And if you lose enough friends like that, you can talk to yourself or post publicly to people about how you are happy and don’t understand your friends, because you don’t have friends to talk about it. I am not trying to be rude but I hope you see my point, instead of talking to your friends about their unhappiness and trying to get an understanding of them, you talk about your friends with random people online who don’t know you or your friends. That is like asking the random guy on the train if your mom has bday today.
Step back, accept that you are not them and that you can’t feel what they feel and that you don’t know them like they know themselves.
Don’t act like you know better, if you obviously don’t know.
Don’t talk about your happiness as if it was relevant. I am happy but I didn’t mention before because no one cares, it isn’t about me. It makes it seem like you are bragging about it, to those who aren’t.
Look into actual depression, just so you can humble yourself a little bit by realizing that they can’t easily control their brains chemicals and judging them for that might be a dick move.
In short, become someone who respects the struggles of others especially if you don’t know the struggle.
Lastly, your ability to do stuff with your body might be peace to you but others are struggling with just that. I know people who are smart and generally able but they just can’t make themselves do stuff. They sit there for hours, trying to focus on a task but their brain drifts away. Their knowledge of their possibilities if it weren’t for their inability to focus, pains them greatly and makes it very difficult to not blame themselves for it, even though they are medically diagnosed that their brain is just not working like a “normal” healthy brain. Your source of peace might be the source of great pain for others.