Quicky

The bread knife was the sharpest object in the flat I was renting at the time. It was also serrated on one side, which proved useful.

Although clearly this kind of operation should only be undertaken by trained bakers.

Clearly I don’t recommend this, but years ago after having an ingrown toenail causing months of pain, I got drunk, decided I’d had enough, and cut a sliver out of it with a breadknife. Ridiculous decision, but cured it forever.

In terms of pain alleviation before surgery (medically trained or otherwise), I can highly recommend stuffing the toenail with tissue paper as close to the ingrown part as possible. Poke it in with a toothpick or something. It acts as a cushion and can train the nail to grow away from the skin.

Unintended bonus of having my own ingrown toenail though: I have always played football and refused to stop even when the pain was at it worst because I love playing it so much. I’m right footed and couldn’t kick the ball with it at all during that time. Instead I forced myself to use my left constantly. I was shocking initially, but weeks later became a two-footed player. Best thing that happened to improve my game long term.

Fair enough. Back to scrolling then, like the rest of us.

The fuck you would. Not much is stopping you from doing that now, just in a longer timeframe.

You’d be sat here with me and everyone else scrolling your phone for hours, before thinking “Oh yeah I was gonna do that thing…can’t be arsed now”.

This is a wildly vague question, but a snippet of advice I was given years ago by a mate with a kid a few years older than my (then) toddlers was “You don’t have to provide them with constant entertainment, you just need to do one or two activities for a short amount of time and that’s what they remember”.

It’s great advice. Kids at early ages can be a fucking nightmare, but the truth is, you take them swimming for an hour, or do some painting for a while, or go to the park for a bit, and that’s what gets imbued on their consciousness. You get the rewards when they fill in that little book at school about what they did at the weekend, and it’s a ten minute window of shit you did that was fun for them, and not the rest of the stressful admin that comes with dealing with young children.

My nearly adult kids often say to me now “you were always doing fun things with us”. Mate, I played table tennis in a shed with you for 20 minutes, or sat down with you for a bit and made a robot out of a fucking cardboard box and a bog roll.

One or two activities a day where your attention is fully on them is enough to create happy memories for them. You don’t need to helicopter about.

Yeah, there’s two seasons of about 10 episodes each, so each one is bingeable in a weekend. There’s a third season planned although in my opinion it wouldn’t have been a travesty if they didn’t, as the ending to S2 was satisfying enough for me.

It’s one of the best shows I’ve ever seen. Beautifully shot, wonderfully acted, equal parts funny, poignant and weird, it deserves to be seen by as many people as possible.

Apple TV+ offers various free trials, and worth doing for Severance alone. Absolutely superb show.