Thank you!

Fuck that’s awful. I’m very sorry

Thank you for this!

It’s not rubbish advice. I agree with you. To feel like your children owe you stuff is to not recognize your own responsibility by bringing them into this world. We’ve never been problematic kids, we have probably actually justified him too much - he grew up in poverty, couldn’t study, had to work in the fields since he was six, didn’t know better, had shitty parents etc etc. Until that bites you in the back! And it has obviously created this entitled behaviour in him. Thank you for your comment.

Yes, it’s a process, but he always had a bit of this in him to be honest. Thanks for your comment.

Thank you. My siblings and I have decided we aren’t even going to reply to him anymore.

Ha! I didn’t think of that before, it’s a great idea 😂 Sorry your mom was like that. Thanks for your comment.

Thank you very much, this helps a lot.

Thank you. I guess realizing there isn’t much you can actually do is kind of liberating

Thank you. He even said he doesn’t want us to call him dad because we never treated him as one. (?) It’s just so sad

Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah we have gone no contact with him twice in the past, once for six years. He showed up at some point asking to see his grandchildren, being very nice and gentle. He eventually and invariably goes back to shitty attitude, so we are thinking this time it’s got to be permanent. On an emotional level I am struggling with that, but I know it’s right.

He has in fact started idealizing the past. He first did it with his own mother (who was also someone extremely problematic with whom he barely spoke while she lived), he suddenly started denying they were ever estranged and praising her as a mom etc, as if we didn’t live through it and remember it too. You might be onto something there. He won’t see any specialist though, because obviously it’s us that don’t remember things correctly, and we can’t really force him to. Last year he had a nervous breakdown and ended up in the hospital due to anxiety. He refused to see any therapists, he just wanted a pill to make it go away.

Thank you. Yeah he could be. Sometimes it really sounds like narcissistic personality disorder.

Thank you.

It does help, thank you. To think that you have to have “helped” your kids enough for them to want to take care of you in old age is indeed pitiful. And it speaks really badly about your concept of your children.

Did that, and guess what, he said he’d given it to me in cash. Convenient, eh?

Well today he said he doesn’t want to be in touch with us anymore because we’re so ungrateful, so I guess that he’s just made it very easy to ignore him but it fckn eats at me, it’s my dad, you know?