nothing dangerous, just regular aging stuff I’m not gonna get into.
My parents own 3 fully furnished houses in 2 different cities in the south. The oldest, biggest one should be sold because it is simply too big and too much work for them and I live and work 800 miles away.
There are other issues I want to discuss with them, mainly involving healthcare access, credit, several insurances, what to do when my father cannot drive anymore, hygiene, if they want to age in place AND only in place, but where exactly, DNR and intubation status, will and burial…
They are cognizant but I feel they really don’t want to talk about it and like many elder parents they wished these questions simply disappeared.
I’ve seen so much shit with eldercare and even having a plan doesn’t mean shit won’t happen, it means you’ll know how to react and who to call.
I was thinking about inviting my parents to a meal at a quiet restaurant, pay the waiter handsomely and have an extensive conversation there. I don’t want to have such a conversation at home because I don’t want them to resent the room where I question their ability to live as independently as before.
I don’t know if this makes me an asshole.
There is also a chance they storm out or start yelling at me and give me the silent treatment afterwards.
This is very difficult. My mom was very straightforward with this and wanted everything worked out, a breeze, she took the initiative and is organizing. My wife’s parents are in the mode of “I’ll worry about this when I’m dead”. We’ve dropped some hints, especially since they had a medical emergency recently. But there is little more to do than offer help, information and ask what they want. If they’re not open to it, you’re just damaging the relationship and I’m not sure it’s worth it. There is no easy “win-win” scenario here.