Lately I’ve been thinking about death: it happens to all of us, it’s something normal, it will happen to me, I could even die tomorrow. Even if I don’t want it, I will die, like everyone else. I’m not exceptional just for being me. No matter how many gods I invent, no matter how many opportunistic preachers I pay because they promise to save me.
I’m just a monkey among 8 billion monkeys, I’m insignificant. Nothing wrong with that. It is what it is.
My life so far: take the path of least resistance. I have a job I don’t like much but I do it good enough so I don’t get fired, I enjoy cooking, fishing, poetry and drawing, hobbies that are cheap. I don’t need to keep up with the joneses.
There seems to be a perception that somebody like me is a loser, lazy, somebody who fails to live up to his potential, maybe I should try to do something exceptional with my finite time on earth, leave a legacy…
But that doesn’t appeal to me. After I die I won’t feel nothing, nor will I care about a legacy, so what’s the point?
Did realizing your time on earth is finite change how you see life?
Feel free to point out if this is me being depressed or if I need to snap out of my misanthropy, as somebody put it. I don’t consider myself depressed but after seeing and reading what humans do to other humans I don’t trust the better angels of our nature can make the world a better place.
well everytime i see my burn scar, it reminded me of how painful and traumatic event it is, and anger me so much because its not my fault that i get those burn, this is why i prefer not to remember it and avoid it as much as possible.
yeah i hate barber nowadays having bad massage and still doing it without permission, which means everytime i got haircut, i have to remind them to no massage. also its simple to stuck in negative loop, when bad luck streaks happens like this, it feels like you are not safe and can be attacked again.
i am actually diagnosed with anxiety disorder and depression, and i still battling it for awhile. i even have medication that i takes daily so i can sleep and this bad luck streaks is not helping at all. to be honest, it is difficult to look forward something when you are in situation like this, i just dont expect much anymore.
also i still pretty naive, i want to meet good people without meet bad people, its like i just want sweet thing without bitter, when something bad happens, i will always blame god or whatever thing that let this happens to me.
i am just tired, for me too much bad thing happened this year, its one problem after another. whats point of life when what awaits you is another problem right? i dont mind having peaceful and boring life actually rather than life full of problems.