Quentin Crisp: “There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn’t get any worse.”

My only deviation from this philosophy is when visitors are coming. The bath and toilet get a good deep clean, I run the vacuum cleaner around the place, and also dust the guest room if they’re staying overnight.

My worst fail was when I had people over for dinner, and as we all sat down I saw half a dozen dead flies on the (dusty) windowsill. Invisible when you were standing due to the curtain, but right in your eyeline when seated.